Purgatory

Purgatory

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wendy-in-the-wheel by Artbandito on Flicker

When any of us live or work in an environment that embraces values that are in conflict with our personal values, our souls will begin a process of interior disturbance in order to remove us from that which threatens our spiritual health. Despite monetary security or reward, if we stay on a path that disconnects us from our spiritual energy, we begin the process of slow death, which continues unless something begins to change.

Living Simultaneously by Jeff Patnaude

I have been feeling dead. Stuck in hamster wheel hell.

I’ve spent most of the winter trying to determine if it’s my relentless schedule (I’ve been working 16 hour days, 7 days a week for most of the past two years), my substandard processed food diet due to the schedule, the seasonal affective disorder I annually battle when living in a ‘5 months of winter’ locale, or the weight gain due to all of the above. I can’t even begin to discuss the career frustrations or the personal relationship pain.

My spirit is dying a slow death; the buzzards are circling.

When I chose to step out of a one-sided marriage, I was elated. The feeling of freedom and possibility filled my soul with purpose. I’ve lost that lightness of being and I need to find it again. I thought I could work hard for 4 years, and then follow my dreams, but the decades of stress have beaten me down.

My spiritual stamina is not what it once was; something needs to change.

Conclusion?
A reduction in office hours is the first place to start. I’m heading out on a road trip soon, hoping to discover ways to feed my soul while not draining my pocketbook. I’ll be looking for the woman I once knew who always saw

  • the good,
  • the positive,
  • the possibility,

in EVERY moment AND person she met.

I hope I find her soon.

Photo Credit

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Comments

  1. I hope you find her, too! I see her – she’s still there 🙂

  2. I can relate! I took a job for necessity sake and am finding it draining my soul….

    You’ve known me since we both started similar journeys out of marriages that, at the very least, had run their course. I can relate – I’ve felt the need to sit down and evaluate what I’m doing and compare it to what I REALLY want to be doing.

    I didn’t start down this path only to sit down and cry when it got hard. I started so I could be the full me and enjoy everything I knew I deserved, with respect.

    Here’s to changing the status quo as we know it now and move on to the “even better” phase of our lives!

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