Scrubbing The Sticky Floor

Scrubbing The Sticky Floor

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Charming Your Chores: Scrub That Floor! by By queercatkitten on Flickr

Failure is a means to spur us on to create something better. Something more successful. When I realized my marriage failed to provide me with what I needed to be a happy, whole person, I spent a lot of time thinking (much of it in bed) trying to determine what I could have / should have done differently.

I knew I should have kept a career. I knew I should have controlled my financial future. The problem is, when your first baby is born, common sense seems to be replaced with a mind numbing need to nurture. Going back to work and leaving my baby with a stranger felt like it would have killed me. I had an obsessive compulsion to take care of my children when they were too vulnerable to care for themselves. It wasn’t until both my boys reached double digits that I began to relax and let non-family into temporary caregiver roles.

With two babies at home, my self-esteem nosedived. I wasn’t working and getting paid for my efforts, no one to tell me I’d done a good job. No confirmation in dollar value. Wrongly, I didn’t feel I had the right to spend the money my husband earned on myself.

I started several jobs at different times but my children’s needs made it difficult to maintain and grow a career beyond part-time employment. I tried a babysitter for a short time but my youngest was not treated well, so I removed them. We didn’t live in a large city where there were multiple choices for jobs or affordable daycare. I even tried bringing them to work; I had to quit a job I loved.

Hindsight affords me the luxury to determine what I would have done differently. After many tears of anger, frustration and sadness, I realized, I would make the exact same choice again. I will always do what is best for my children. As much as part of me longed for a financially viable career and time away from the house, children deserve to be nurtured and loved on a full-time basis by their parents.

Then I realized that perhaps parents ought to look at a stay-at-home situation from an entirely different perspective.

What if we ran a home like we run our a businesses? There are several benefits to this method.

  1. Accountability for time
  2. Specific work hours
  3. Proof of equality
  4. Payment for services rendered
  5. Attaches a recognizable value to work completed
  6. Relationship issues will become apparent quickly
  7. Financial Independence

Sounds crazy doesn’t it?

The more I think about this, the more I believe it is a perfect way to scrub the sticky floor clean. It will offer women, and a growing number of men, a sense of pride and autonomy in a relationship, while doing what’s best for their children. Women will never have full equality in the workforce until we are able to model equality at home.

I’ll explain how to accomplish this in future posts.

Photo Credit

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Comments

  1. That’s not such a crazy idea. When I had issues in my personal life a long while ago, I did pretty much what you’re proposing–I modeled my personal life (which was a mess) on my business life, and it worked. What happens is that you are forced to change your frame of reference–when you start to measure things, you realize how ridiculous some of the choices you are making and some of the things you are assuming are. Once you can see things against a new scale, it’s easy to change them.

    The idea has merit. Pursue it.

  2. Bruce – thanks for your motivational comments. You are exactly right about the frame of reference… that’s also where I was going with this. It’s easier to justify the value of the position when you have the work in writing. I am so glad you invited me to Triberr and that I am learning more about you and your family.

  3. Seems like we’ve traveled a similar path. Only I had 6 children and a husband who traveled. Still married, still trying to figure it all out.

  4. Cecilia – I don’t know how you did it! I was essentially a single parent of two and was completely tapped out. I can’t imagine how you did it with six… unless you waited until the oldest ones could help with the youngest! 😉 If I felt that I could have gotten what I needed from the marriage, I’d still be married too. In some ways it was easier, but not all. Are your children grown now? (I read your JT dream, so I know your daughter is an adult. Loved the way you wove us through the story!)

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